I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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