Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
