have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
