That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
