Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
