You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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