puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
