He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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