So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
