She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
