i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
