he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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