Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize