do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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