dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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