dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
