We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
not ubering you a puppy
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
