I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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