So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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