if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize