you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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