I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
