A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
