Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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