So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
