Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
