this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
