Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have already put on my inside pants.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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