To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
