I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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