ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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