I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
