How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize