You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
