woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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