Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
