I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
my liver is dry heaving
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
