NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize