I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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