Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
