I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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