I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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