I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
