Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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