I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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