you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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