So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
