Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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