you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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