when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
