he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
