i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
