Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
