my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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