Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
