How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
