Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
