I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
