I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
