but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The best revenge is premature balding
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
