too bad you live with your parents still
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
