i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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