Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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