im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I did not marry a roomba.
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