pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
