my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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