READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
