Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
