I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
babies were throwing up all over the place
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
