I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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