My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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