I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
