Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I want you more than these girls want KFC
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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