Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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