i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i think my cat just said my name.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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