I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
