Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
