just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
