After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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