i think i have herpe
just one?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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