We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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