Jerry, you need to find god
kristin has been a bad kristin
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize