well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
