I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Found your dick twin last night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
