why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
