Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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