i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
