its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
