I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
