I need help removing her.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
