I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
