Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines

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(503): View more from Oregon

I peed while puking? Even better

(1-503): View more from Oregon

Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet

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(732): View more from New Jersey

You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked

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(423): View more from Tennessee

headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.

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(425): View more from Washington

i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house

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(630): View more from Illinois

the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm

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(708): View more from Illinois

Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.

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