Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize