Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
