Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
