Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
