please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you never un-have a 4some
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
