hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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