it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
