It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
