We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
