I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
