I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
