He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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