this beer tastes like vomit already
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
