I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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