I think I died a long time ago.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize