so explain again why im purple
no
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
