Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
