He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
