Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
