Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
