Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
