just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
